Wishful Thinking
by RoxasBladez
Summary: This is not a fanfic, but a real story. A story about a summer experience, and the hardships of someone whose 'different' has to face. Rated T for safety.


**Hello readers, my name is RoxasBladez.**

**This fic is not fiction at all, it's all true. My memories, which I will be writing here for you to read, have been bugging me as of late. I know the internet is NOT the greatest place to post what I am posting here, but telling my story with near total confidentiality seems to be what I need at the moment.**

**To those who have been in similar situations, you're not alone.**

**Dear readers, I present to you a story of a summer I experienced, called Wishful Thinking.**

*Note: I will not be using my name, but a nickname I got and stuck with me, Roxas Bladez. Also, I'm a girl.

This is the story of a girl, a girl who was different from the norm in a way that most people can't pin point. For that mysterious reason, she was and is treated differently by her supposed peers. This girl has short naturally white-blond hair, bright blue eyes, a boy-ish face with average height and weight. Her *real* name is uni-sex, but mostly used for boys. For now, this girls name is Roxas Bladez.

*1st POV*

I sighed as I watched more rocks and tree's fly by, watching as the rocky surrounds suddenly turned to a lush forested area. I tiredly perked up at this, finally seeing the forest meant I was almost there, the place I have been waiting for for half a year, The Forest Rangers!

Working in the lush forests of northern Ontario, Canada, with many learning experiences and getting paid as a bonus! After accidentally finding out about the camp/work experience of the Net, I was as happy as I could be, everything I loved wrapped up into one fun filled summer! The outdoors, nature, fishing, canoeing, hiking and so much more!

Although, I was nervous, what if the other girls in the all female camp didn't like me? What if they thought I was too weird? Or found my great knowledge of all things nature to be obnoxious, or think I was a know-it-all? My worries instantly disappeared as I saw a small stand-up sign reading 'Ontario Forest Rangers'. I was practically vibrating with excitement in my seat. I was so close! We were getting closer to the turn off… closer… almost there…! And we drive right past it!?

"Papa! What are you doing!? You missed the turn off!" I said it so suddenly that both my grandma and grandpa flinched at my volume.

"What? I did? When?" He starting moving the van off to the side to turn around on the gravel road.

"You JUST missed it! Look, you can see the sign from here still!" I said as I pointed down the road at the small sign, not realizing my grandparents couldn't see it due their horrible eye sight.

They didn't say anything as Papa turned the van around, driving slower than before and re-approaching the turn off. That close-to-over-whelming excitement flooded me again as I took in the sight before me. A medium sized building sat at the end of the gravel parking lot, it was obviously the Mess *food* Hall. A good distance behind it I could see 3 lone standing cabins, and between them and the Mess Hall, there was a couple picnic tables and a fire pit.

To the right of the cabin area was a long, but not very deep, building with 3 doors and another slightly taller building next to it with two doors. I assumed the first to be camper quarters, like the cabins, and the slightly taller one to be the bathrooms. To the right of the long building was the largest building with a wheel chair ramp and what seemed to have two separate areas to it, there was a small path behind it leading into the forest. The smaller section of the building had a First Aid cross nest to the door, obviously this was the Nurses Office. The other section I assumed to be the Camp consolers quarters. Just off the side of two part building was, to my excitement, a sand volleyball court. The rest of the area was a small field with a fairly large tree in the center and off to the trees side was an odd dome shaped structure on a small landing. I hoped it was a hot tub, I really did.

To the left of the cabin area, was a rather large shack with canoe racks built into its side. Another, wider path could be seem next to it, seeming to go down a hill, and what I assumed to be the way to the water. Going with the natural curve of area, a building that looked like a cabin, but much larger than the others sat. I had no clue what this building was.

The entire area was surrounded in a beautiful forest.

I was shocked out of my staring of the area by a "Hello there!" coming from my right. Turning to look, I assumed it was one of my superior. She was wearing a bright red t-shirt which read 'Ontario Forest Rangers Program' on it in white letters. She was also a bit taller than me, with more a lean face and dark-sandy blond hair. Knowing my grandparents could take a moment to talk to my superior, I ran to the back of the van and opened the trunk. I quickly grabbed the Army Grade duffle bag and put it on like a backpack, slung the actual camping backpack over my one shoulder while a normal duffle bag went on my other. Grabbing the old, bit still in one piece, suitcase in my left hand I walked up to where my grandparents were still talking with my superior.

I got close enough to hear "…-ryone of us has the appropriate medical training, yes." coming from my superior. It seemed my grandma was firing off questions, again. Her worrying about me as such was sweet, but can get real annoying.

"Grandma! Stop pestering the poor girl!" I said with a laugh at my grandmas putout expression. My superior looked a little shocked at all the bags I was carrying, looking like she was about to ask if I needed help. Seeing this I quickly turned to my grandpa.

"Papa, can you grab my last bag for me? I still need a free hand after all." He nodded with that happy look on his face I loved so much. "Sure thing, Roxas." He turned around and started walking over to the vans trunk I left open.

Turning back to face my superior, I found her to still be looking at me like I was going to fall any moment. "Do you need any more help with your bags?" The tiny bit of annoyance I felt, I made sure it wasn't on my face. "No thanks, I can handle this, they aren't THAT heavy." I grinned at the look on her face, the bags looked near bursting after all. Sometimes the muscles I gained from the Army Cadets and training in Karate for my Black Belt was worth all the effort, just for moments like this.

"Alright then… you're Roxas Bladez, correct?" She said after a quick glance at her clipboard I didn't notice she was carrying before.

"Sure am! And thanks for having me here, this place looks amazing!" I said while I shook her hand with my free one.

***Note: I'm not going to say any names unless they are important to the story***

My superior took one last look at my bags before telling me my room number, which turned out to be the middle door of the long building, while also quickly pointing out the other significant buildings to me. Turns out my guesses about all the buildings were right after all.

My grandpa returned at sometime we were talking, holding my last tiny, but heavy duffle bag. We started to make our way toward the building, me having a slight skip in my step despite all the weight I was carrying. I got that look again from the superior, those are so much fun. Walking up to the door I hoped we didn't have assigned beds, I wanted one in a corner with some foot room if there was one, or a top bunk if there were bunk beds.

Opening the door to the room, I noticed there were already 3 other girls in there, and 5 beds, with signs over them. _'Assigned single beds, just great.'_ Taking a closer look, I noticed the one in the corner, with a bit of foot room, had a label with my name on it! Grinning and saying a quick, but polite hello, to my cabin-mates, I went over to my bed and started to take off my load, not just dropping it all for fear of straining something. Hearing my grandma call me out, I quickly left the room and found her standing there, holding her camera. Suddenly stopping I told her to hang on a sec, racing back inside and grabbing my giant camping backpack and opening the top, quickly reaching in and pulling out my pillow, my first aid kit, my mini first aid kit *which I immediately strapped to my waist*, my mini light-weight sleeping bag, and finally grabbing what I was looking for, a red cloth back-bag. It looked more like a large red cloth bag with black thin rope stringed around it to keep it closed and so you could wear it on your back.

Quickly opening it I grabbed my disposable camera and went back outside, having my grandpa take a picture of me and my grandma leaning on the railing on the small wooden deck connected to the building. After heartfelt goodbyes and promises to call them and my Mom and sis at home, they left and I walked back inside and moved immediately to my bed area, taking a quick look around my bed, I noticed the locker beside my bed, which had a small ledge and mirror, and the bed itself had drawers built into to bottom, cool.

Unpacking was an automatic motion for me now, from all the Cadet outings and the fact that my family loves camping. Once getting all the immediate things unpacked, I sat on my bed and finally focused on the other people in the room, and what I saw was not good.

I had a habit of reading people based on what I saw, but not just appearance. I looked at their faces, how they held themselves, how they spoke, who started the conversation, and most importantly, what they brought with them to camp. From two of the girls, one taking the bed on the back wall to my right, while the other took the bed at the foot of mine, I could tell we would clash right away. The way they moved, and talked and dressed for camping, not to mention the makeup kits and hair spray on their small shelves above their bed and locker. I realize I had a shelf to, but was more focused on how screwed I was. And while I wasn't 100% sure that moment, they both seemed like the type of person I might get into heated arguments with, just great. The third girl, in the bed right across from mine, she seemed alright. I could tell just from a glance she was the type of girl that I could be friendly with, but not exactly friends with. That I was relieved of, at least I would have someone to talk too.

It was at that moment the final girl walked in, she was like the third girl, friendly but not friends. Looked like I was the odd one out in this cabin, and that slight nervousness creeped into me again. Not really saying getting involved in the small conversations going on around me due to nerves and old habits, I started unloading the rest of my stuff, or at least what I could fit in the drawers. It seemed I over packed again, my entire suitcase was still almost full, and my small-but-heavy duffle bag still hadn't even been opened.

Sighing slightly to myself, I got up from the floor after putting away the last bit of the clothes I could fit in the drawers. Looking around one last time, I noticed something. A small bedside table thing, but its entire front was a metal cabinet door. Curious, I opened it, and found the short table to have two short shelves, absolutely perfect for some of my last bits of gear.

Smiling, I quickly straightened myself from my crouch and looked to my roommates. "Hey, does anyone need this for anything?" The other girls just looked at me for a sec before various negative came from around the room. But the girl Tasha, whose bed was at the foot of mine, spoke up. "You can use it, but you'll have to share it if we need some room ourselves."

"Of course I'll share if anyone needs the space, all I really need it for is my books and my bug stuff." At that point I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn't get along with this girl AT ALL. You know those girls who are made the 'leader' of a group, just because they act like it without meaning too? Yeah, she was one of them. What's worse, I'm a 'natural leader' so we don't mix well, even more of a reason to watch my back… and mouth. I hate fighting with other 'leaders'.

Shrugging it off for now, I walked over to my small duffle bag, and lifting it like it was nothing, I brought it over to unload. I started taking book after book after book out of the bag, and more books followed. But these weren't ANY kind of books, these books were my favorite hobby, anime books. Otherwise known as Mangas, they are confused with comic books far too often, and read backwards.

"You like comic books?" This came from the instant-friend of Tasha's, whose bed was against the back wall, her name was Brooke. Turning to look at her with slightly wide eyes and a small amount of annoyance on my face, I asked her right back, "What makes you think they're comic books?" From the look I got from her, I knew that I somehow made yet another enemy, I don't even know how that works! One comment that doesn't agree with them, and they fly off the handle. So annoying…

Sighing, I turned back to my work, making sure no books were going in upside down and the likes. "They are Anime books, called Mangas, and before you ask, the best way to describe Anime is International _Cartoons_." I grimaced a bit as I said _'Cartoons'_, as Anime is in no way _Cartoons_. "I really like Anime and Manga so please keep any negative comments to yourself." And I really hoped they did, I HATE it when people judge things they know NOTHING about.

Finishing with my books, and not yet looking at my roommates, I moved back to my camping backpack and removed the red back-bag from earlier, and put all the bits and bobs, mostly consisting of bug repellants and packs of gum. Going back to the table, I started putting this stuff on the bottom shelf, making sure I only put 2 of my gum packs in it.

Standing up, I looked to my roommates, or more specifically, Tasha and Brooke, and found that yet again, they were annoyed with me. Knowing that explaining my bluntness in my answer would only start a confrontation, I left it alone.

I laid on my bed, pulled my headphones over my eras, which were hanging on my neck before, and turned on my battered MP3 player. Relaxing, I let the low volume music wash over me and ignored everything else around me.

_**!DING!DING!**_

Jerking awake '_When did I fall asleep?_' I looked around the room, only to see no one was in it, besides me of course. Realizing what I just heard, I jumped out of my bed and put my shoes on while turning off my music. Racing outside I saw I was the last person to join the group waiting outside the Mess Hall.

'_So they left without waking me up? Thanks guys, really appreciate it.' _Note the sarcasm. Trying to look casual as I ended up at the last spot behind my fellow campers in the line into the Hall, I looked at my watch. _'I was sleep for 4 hours?! Must have been more tired than I thought!'_

Slowly the line started moving inside, and I noticed the FANTASTIC smell coming from inside! Smelled like my grandmas cooking! No wait, even better! And that's a huge compliment for me, as I love delicious food, as long as it's healthy. Now I was regretting falling asleep and being the last in line, I was seriously hoping there was enough left as I can eat a fair bit.

Getting inside, I noticed that the kitchen and storage area looked bigger than the eating area, which I found slightly amusing. And the food I could see! A hearty meal of beef, potatoes, carrots, salad, fruit shakes and juice. Just my kind of meal!

As I got closer to the food, I could tell that as long as no one completely filled up their plate, I could have my fill without seeming greedy! It was perfect. But as I went to go sit, there was nowhere else to sit that wouldn't have me sitting squished-shoulder-touching with no elbow room. Not perfect. But I knew what I could do, so I walked over to the table the superiors sat at.

"Excuse me? I was wondering if I could sit outside on the picnic tables and eat there." I could tell that it was most likely an odd request, from the looks I got. And I bet that if I turned around, the fellow campers behind me would be looking at me with the same confused expression.

"Um sure, but make sure to sit where we can see you." I nodded and walked outside, sitting on the picnic tables along the side of the Mess Hall I couldn't see from the parking lot before. Sitting just underneath a window in the shade of the building with my back to it, I was hoping they could see me so I wouldn't have to sit in the sun. After a few moments and not having anyone come out to tell me to move, I got comfy and started to eat. I was right, the food is even better then my grandmas.

It was nice out here by myself, just sitting in relative silence, with the drone of other campers behind me and the sounds of nature in front of me. Eating delicious and healthy foods without a care in the world. It was refreshing to get back in my 'element', the city really wasn't a place for me, a small town maybe, but never the city. Putting my fork down a moment, I stretched backwards and, hearing my back pop in a few places, gave a sigh a relief. This really was the best, and I was here for 2 months! Lovely.

Eating a few more bites, I noticed my name being said. Thinking perhaps it was one of my superiors asking someone if they could call me in, I paid attention to where I thought the conversation was coming from. But I was shocked to hear the fastly-becoming-annoying voice of Brooke. But while I was shocked, it was more of how fast people were talking behind my back. It normally took at least 2 days in a camp for me to start catching conversations about me. I listened…

"…and then she's all like 'How do you know they're comic books?' sounding completely rude at my question! I just wanted to know, instead she bites my head off!" She made my statement-turned-question sound like I insulted her mother!

I twitched, but other than that I made no signs that I was listening. Honestly, making me sound like a bitch from a simple sentence. That normally didn't start to happen until the 3rd or 4th day. I gave a small inaudible huff, why did I get bunked with my complete opposites? I mean come on! This is getting ridiculous!

I listened a bit longer, hearing Brooke complain about how unfeminine I was, with my short hair and boy clothes. Honestly, short hair is just easier to take care of in the forest and boy clothes are made for practicality, while girl clothes are made for looks. Then she started talking about how I 'commandeered' the small bedside table-cabinet! I was seriously considering turning around and tell her to shut up, but I knew it would just make it worse. Deciding to ignore her for now, I started to listen to the sound of the nature around me, but then I heard Tashas voice, who before then was silent, so I started listening again. What I heard made my blood BOIL!

"I have to agree with you Brooke, she's most likely a lesbian for something, better be careful changing around her!" This didn't bug me, but what she said next…. "And just think of her family! Mom's probably a whore and her dad a drunk, probably why her grandparents dropped her off, her parents couldn't bother with her." I'LL KILL HER!

Mess with me and I'm fine with that, mess with my friends and I'll confront you, talk about my family like that, and you're DEAD!

Sitting up suddenly from my table, I walked back inside, deposited my plate in the dirty dishes bin, and walked back outside, away from the Mess Hall. I small part of me knew I was disobeying my superiors, but the stronger part of me knew I had to get away from there before I lashed out.

I quickly moved to the small field that held the large tree in its center. At first I was moving to the tree to sit under it, but I knew that if I didn't move around I wouldn't cal down for a while yet. Stopping half way to the tree I started to talk off my shoes and socks. Putting them off to the side, I got in a VERY familiar karate stance, closed my eyes, and started moving. At first it was just simple kicks and punches in simple patterns, but as I let out more of my frustrations, the faster and more complicated my moves became. Knowing I had plenty of field to move around in I felt confident to start doing some 'flying' kicks. Pushing myself from the ground, I started doing my favorite kicking combos, feeling like I was flying from time to time. Adding some punches into my combinations, I worked on the combo I was working on for my next Back Belt grading.

Faster and faster I moved, until my muscles started feeling the strain of pure speed, and my joints protesting at the snap fast movements. But I still pushed myself, faster and faster until I almost fell over. Slowing down my movements, I opened my eyes only to find my vision swimming. I fell on my butt as I tried to stop the forest from spinning. Shaking my head to clear my vision I looked at my watch, it had only been 20 minutes but I felt great, relaxed despite how hard I was pushing myself. Sweating and relaxed, I made my way back to the Mess Hall.

It seemed I came back at the right time as I heard someone called my name from the door, walking around the corner I gave my superior a small smile. "Sorry about not staying at the table, but I wanted to talk a small walk around. It really is beautiful here."

My superior gave me a smile herself and told me to come inside for announcements. I learned the basic rules of the camp, when we would be waking up _'Why is everyone complaining? 7am isn't that early.' _And our schedule for the next day. I was just glad that we had free time after supper every day, plenty time to read and relax. Going back to my cabin ahead of my roommates, I got my shower stuff and headed to the bathrooms. I didn't want anyone to find out about my karate skills yet, or the fact that I lied to a superior. Karate tends to intimidate others, and lying would just be more ammo for them to use against me.

After my shower and returning to my room, dressed and ready for bed even if we had another 2 and a half hours till lights out, I went over to the cabinet and grabbed _Death Note Vol. 1_. Hopping into my bed, I then just noticed how I was the only one in the room. _'Guess they are getting to know one another outside.'_ Shrugging to myself, I settled under my covers a bit and started reading. It was nice, until a mosquito buzzed next to my ear. Flinching like a mad woman, I smacked it with my book, grabbed my flashlight and started bug hunting. If there is one thing I hate more than 'prissy' girls, its bugs nipping me at night! Can't stand it at ALL. I kept hunting for a while apparently, as my roommates suddenly entered the room as I gave a particularly loud **SMACK!** to a mosquito. Looking at my roommates a bit sheepishly, I gave the room one last glace and went back to my bed. Grabbing my MP3 player, lowering the volume, sticking it on repeat, I lay down and started to drown out any noise that wasn't my music.

As I was starting to drift into the lovely oblivion that is sleep, I had one last thought. _;if this is my first day, I can't wait for the rest!'_

**I ask my readers to flame if you have too, but it will be ignored and reviews deleted. Please THINK before you post, and if any of the girls from camp are reading this, then this is MY story.**


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